I am rushing around like a lunatic packing bags, prepping food and tidying the house. The kid is screaming at the top of his lungs and running around the house half naked with a sword. The dog is following suit (minus the sword). The husband isn’t even home, yet my mind had planned us to be out the door ten minutes ago. It feels like 50 degrees outside and all i want is to be on the beach. Nothing ever works out the way my mind dreams up. I envision quiet seamless preparation, early departures and smiles and hugs all around. I am obviously continually disappointment by my illusions (surprise, surprise). My anxiety gets triggered and I get frustrated and short. Sometimes our spur of the moment ventures don’t seem worth it when the chaos surrounds me. The tense air surrounds us after a few minutes of arguing and pushing each other out the door. But regardless, like always, we make it out the door and head to our destination.
A mere twenty minutes later I lay staring at the sky, the sun warming my body as I float on the water. The screaming kid is still there. The dog is still exploding with energy. Dinner is now getting cold, and no sunscreen as been applied. But in this moment, I remember to take a deep breath, to laugh under my breath at myself for all the craziness, and to remind myself, when I find my calm, none of the chaos really truly matters. I feel more centred, i find more patience, i feel more of the true me. I realize my calm is found in nature, in being outside and in removing myself, even for a minute or two, from the wildness of daily life. I need to freeze this moment in my mind, so that when I set unrealistic expectations and let the pressures of life take over my body tomorrow or the next, that I remember, that the chaos will forever be here and that if i find my calm amongst it, i am sure to savour this journey called life a heck of a lot more.